January 8, 2012
So time to be honest. My church-going habits have not been consistent the past few years. I know that I miss the community, fellowship and learning provided through church in my life, but it seems that I used to be out of town every weekend, or just wanted to sleep in. This summer I hit bottom and desperately felt the need to get back to church, but I couldn’t sit through a sermon without bursting into tears and that was just embarrassing for me. So I’ve been on a break, although this time knowing that I would get back. Last night I made a deal with myself, I would not set an alarm, but if I woke up, on my own, with enough time to get ready for the 9:30 service, I had to go. Well what do you know, I woke up at 8:00am, wide-eyed and bushy tailed! So I spent some time with my dog and then got ready for church. Another perk – as I was walking to the sanctuary, I saw a friend that I knew (I don’t know many people at this church) and she grabbed me to sit with her, so no awkward, feeling alone at a giant church, for me! Well, when your heart is ready to listen, God jumps in. The sermon was titled “Remembering Your Baptism” and was all about repentance, acknowledging our sins, and recommitting our faith and lives to Jesus. It was just what I needed. I cried, of course, and prayed. I finally prayed. And I’m pretty sure God listened. In the darkness, there is light, and today I felt some warmth from a tiny sliver of light that I finally allowed to shine in.