Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Day 76

March 20, 2012

So something really neat happened this morning! As you know I admitted to myself, you and God last night about my lack of trust in others and Him. Well this summer, I followed a friend's recommendation and signed up for daily emails through GriefShare  You won't believe what the message of my 195th email was this morning...trusting God! Ok, I get the message, you are listening to me.  I actually have found this happen a few times with these emails, that the issue I am battling with at that moment, is the theme of the next email I receive. It's so comforting and encouraging to think, if they made an email about this, it must be a common struggle, I'm not the only one! It's seems appropriate that trust in the Lord and his plan for our lives would be the topic to rest on my heart as a focus during this Lenten season. The email was summed up with this sentence: "You do not need to fully understand Him, just believe in Him and trust Him in all things." I know these words to be true, but this is actually a difficult challenge and will be my meditation for the rest of Lent. Hebrews 2:13 "I will put my trust in Him" will be my daily prayer. 

Ok Lord...you have my attention...

Monday, March 19, 2012

Today...Day #??

March 19, 2012

Time to get on a track. Wish I could say “back on track” but sadly, I don’t really know the last time I was actually “on track”!

Today was a great day. I love when at 3:00 your coworkers take a breath and say “Well, today was surprisingly a productive and easy day for a Monday after Spring Break!” And yes, it was! Although...let’s knock on wood. We still have 4 more days in the school week! In addition to a great day at work, I went to bootcamp. It wasn’t even a question to not attend...that’s a first! And although it was incredibly challenging for me, I just repeated in my head “I don’t have to enjoy this, I just have to do it”. Surprisingly, reminding myself of that helps a lot. Well, that and my co-workers’ support. They are great and encourage me to keep pushing myself.  I was in such a great mood when I got home, that I decided to take my dog for a walk, and actually did a 30-minute 5K training workout. My evening was made even more enjoyable with an excellent meal, a delightful glass of wine, and a soulful conversation with a dear friend. So the two of us ended our evening of text-talking with a commitment of personal goals for the week and a promise of accountability to each other. For once I feel like I have set achievable health goals and am excited to attack them. 

I decided to take a bath, an enjoyment I haven’t allowed myself in a while. I tend to have too many thoughts during that time, and let’s be honest, lately I’ve been trying to avoid all of my thoughts. On a less positive note, I came to admit that I have serious trust issues, mainly with God. Although this is actually a realization that makes me feel very sad and empty, it was truly a wonderful revelation and raw moment of honesty to myself. I feel like I now have a starting point for me in my search to find a track to get on. Wish me luck and let’s pray for strength. Does the journey ever get easy?